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As the water follows the moon (my story inspired by Patrick Kelly)
05-05-2011, 01:18 PM
Post: #61
RE: As the water follows the moon (my story inspired by Patrick Kelly)
(05-05-2011 12:08 PM)Sonata Wrote:  Oh my!!! You are sooo talanted..... Luxhello
Your language is sooo poetic... Smile
Cant wait for more! Smile

Yes, me too!

If it would be a book, i wouldn`t be able to put it down `till i finished it!!!!!
It also means that your story and your writing skills are awsome!!!!

``Will you know that i`m who need you, I`m so hungry for your love!``

02.05. 1997 Budapest The Kelly Family - 28.12. 1997 Budapest The Kelly Family
23.07. 1999 Budapest The Kelly Family - 13.12. 2011 Dortmund Stille Nacht
29.04. 2012 Budapest Angelo Kelly - 31.05. 2012 Dusseldorf Paddy Kelly (AGAPE)
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fontedivina (05-05-2011)
05-05-2011, 03:56 PM
Post: #62
RE: As the water follows the moon (my story inspired by Patrick Kelly)
(05-05-2011 12:08 PM)Sonata Wrote:  Your language is sooo poetic... Smile
Cant wait for more! Smile

@Sonata, I'm happy to see a new reader of my story! baybay2 Thank you very much for your warm words. I'm trying to translate it word for word but sometimes it's hard....So I'm glad that you find my language poetic!

Here's a new chapter - a very important one. It was not easy for me to write it...And I hope there are much of details (@Mai Ylinlove) But if you don't like something, please tell me straight! I need to get critical comments too! Smile

6. I remember state of suicide
Standing out the window open wide…

So he kept on thinking about death as of a benefactress that could deliver him from all the suffering at once. He enjoyed reflecting on it. These sad thoughts strangely brought peace to his tired soul.
And in one of those gray and boring days that were so much alike, the burden of soul pain has become so unbearable that Teddy didn’t want to endure it any more.
In vain he searched for meaning of his life. Around him there was just an emptiness that he could not fill with anything. Everything he has achieved stopped being important.
He must have made a mistake, he was wrong. But what was difference whom he has wanted to be a long time ago and who he became in the end? What mattered to him now at all? Golden and platinum discs? Fans’ adoration? Number first in charts? All this didn’t make him tremble with joy and excitement any more and didn’t bring any satisfaction. Music didn’t make him happy now either and even his favorite guitar annoyed him. And he had nothing more left because music was all his life.
(Surely he was thinking in a very egoistic way. He had something else. He should have thought about his siblings who loved him and took his troubles close to heart and about his sick father who had had a stroke and hardly walked and talked very little. But those sensible thoughts didn’t come to Teddy’s head for some reason and he has become deaf and blind to everything except for his own misery).

At last, having made a final decision to stop his existence on Earth, Teddy pulled his door handle and ran out of his room. The stairs led him up. He wanted to be as high as possible.
In a minute Teddy ran into the library. He used to adore spending time here among the long shelves full of books. The shelves reached the ceiling that is why in the library there was a wooden ladder which he often used. He wanted to know what was there on the top.
He stopped for a moment glancing with a sorrow at the lines of books, many of which he hasn’t read and would never read now…Nevertheless he knew that anyway books were not able to save him from his despair.
And in another minute Teddy stood on the broad window sill, breathing deeply an astringent night air which seemed so sweet to him and with pleasure felt the waving of wind in his hair.
For a second he felt sorry to be parted with this entire splendor, but then he remembered about the pain torturing him endlessly and he lifted his leg above the emptiness. And it seemed like the time stopped. There was no more today, yesterday or tomorrow and he felt absolutely nothing including this notorious pain. It looked like this moment was given to him to contemplate his life for the very last time. And in this very critical moment Teddy stumbled and almost fell from the window sill!
He was terribly scared. But wasn’t that something that he wanted so much? Didn’t he run there for it? Anyway his instinct of self-preservation won. Unwillingly screaming, Teddy convulsively seized the window frame, pulled up his legs and stared into the blackness of the night with horror.
Now with the utmost clarity he understood what he was waiting for. Really he didn’t want that much to die. What was more Teddy could call himself the most life-loving man in the world! Till the last minute he has been hoping that someone would notice what was going on with him, would notice and come and save him. But it turned out to be that he was nobody’s concern but this was only his fault though. He has moved away from those who were dear to him and proudly by himself cherished his problems and suffering. So there was no surprise nobody came. He just didn’t call.
May be he should call now? He should just go down and wake up Martha or Annie or just call Gabe or Timmy or Joseph but Teddy for some reasons couldn’t bring himself to leave the window sill.

He didn’t know for how long he sat like this staring into the dark night and trying to understand why there was only one idea left in his head. He couldn’t get rid of it before (or he didn’t want to, having become intimate with it like with the dearest sister), but suddenly he felt that it didn’t have a power over him any more. It looked as if someone strong with his mighty hand loosened the chains that had prevented Teddy from freely breathing and moving. It seemed like he recovered after a long and tiring disease and it felt so good that he couldn’t get enough of this wonderful feeling that overfilled him. And even if he still was going to do what he has come for, he wouldn’t have done it. The infinite silence of the inky-black night suddenly was broken by the voice forbidding him to jump.
Startled, he listened with effort and decided that he was going crazy because the voice sounded in his head. He didn’t question himself long to whom this firm, a little authoritative and strict voice might belong. It didn’t ask – it ordered, and there was no such force in the world able to resist its command. The bright flash of understanding, like a lightning illuminating flooded with rain darkness, lighted up Teddy’s consciousness and, trembling with excitement, he jumped off the window-sill but not outside and inside the room. He was hurt, because this uncovering truth stabbed him with thousand of knives, ripping up his veins and making teeth clench for not letting scream go off his lips. But they delivered him from useless and obsolete flesh and he humbly and with gratefulness endured this pain.
Losing his strength, Teddy fell on his knees and, breathing heavily, listened to that voice again and again. Now he remembered that he had heard it before but it didn’t ever sound so loudly and clearly. Nevertheless he has never had a need to listen to it but he should have. His eyes opened and he understood why the voice forbade him to take his life. He had the predestination of his own! How could he forget that he was the different from the others?
Having realized this and understanding that the Lord himself helped him Teddy began praying for the first time since long ago. He prayed only when he was a kid and hardly remembered how it was supposed to be, but it seemed to be easy. The words just had to come from the heart.
- Forgive me, God! – he said biting his lips and feeling unbearable burning in his eyes. – Forgive me for I didn’t know what I’ve been doing blinded by pride and stupidity! Please show me the right way! Tell me what my predestination is and how can I accomplish it? And I’m begging you, don’t leave me! For I will never leave you now…

Praying like this, Teddy cried feeling that each tear running down his cheek cleaned his soul and washed away all the dirt that kept there for these long years of living without God…

to be continued....

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05-05-2011, 04:08 PM
Post: #63
RE: As the water follows the moon (my story inspired by Patrick Kelly)
I'm speechless! This is so sad, you just feel the pain!
but written so exciting! You're a genius! I love it!!!Aniheart

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fontedivina (05-06-2011)
05-05-2011, 04:40 PM
Post: #64
RE: As the water follows the moon (my story inspired by Patrick Kelly)
the ending of the chapter treally touched me, especially the prayer... Well done here

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fontedivina (05-06-2011)
05-05-2011, 08:45 PM (This post was last modified: 05-05-2011 08:49 PM by Singinglife.)
Post: #65
RE: As the water follows the moon (my story inspired by Patrick Kelly)
@Fontedivina wow girl you rock you got tallent
i read the story with tears in my eyes go on with this
you are good flower

I'll see you when you get there, if you ever get there
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fontedivina (05-06-2011)
05-05-2011, 08:47 PM (This post was last modified: 05-05-2011 08:48 PM by DublinRose.)
Post: #66
RE: As the water follows the moon (my story inspired by Patrick Kelly)
Wow, good chapter, Fontedivina. I only found one tiny mistake in English grammar. It is number ONE in charts, not number firust. But that is the only thing I found.

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fontedivina (05-06-2011)
05-05-2011, 08:52 PM
Post: #67
RE: As the water follows the moon (my story inspired by Patrick Kelly)
@Sandra - you got that right; it's number one, not number first yes

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05-05-2011, 11:39 PM
Post: #68
RE: As the water follows the moon (my story inspired by Patrick Kelly)
@ Fontedivina
YOU ARE AMAZING! flower
And as my english is not that good to look for mistakes you won`t hear a bad comment from me! Smile
The only mistake witch I noticed was "Paddy" in chapter one instead of Timmy ... but I liked that one!Roflmao
No pressure, but..... keep on writing, we all are waiting!!! Rofl

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fontedivina (05-06-2011)
05-06-2011, 04:19 AM
Post: #69
RE: As the water follows the moon (my story inspired by Patrick Kelly)
Now we're all looking for mistakes Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin
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05-06-2011, 05:30 AM
Post: #70
RE: As the water follows the moon (my story inspired by Patrick Kelly)
Thank you, dear girls, for your support! Ylinlove

As for mistakes, I'm sure there are lots of them, 'cause English is not my native language... But I'm doing all my best!

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Bina (05-06-2011)
05-06-2011, 09:25 PM
Post: #71
RE: As the water follows the moon (my story inspired by Patrick Kelly)
Oh ... and by the way... I can`t even imagine to read this in russian language... It must be even better, because russian language is soooooooo ritch!!!!yes
And I suppouse you do write in russian?! Smile

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05-07-2011, 08:21 AM
Post: #72
RE: As the water follows the moon (my story inspired by Patrick Kelly)
@Sonata - I don't like russian language, although I know russian very well Shy So I'm very happy to read this story in english instead Smile
@fontedevina - I hope you're not angry on me about this comment...

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05-07-2011, 11:21 AM (This post was last modified: 05-07-2011 11:26 AM by fontedivina.)
Post: #73
RE: As the water follows the moon (my story inspired by Patrick Kelly)
(05-06-2011 09:25 PM)Sonata Wrote:  Oh ... and by the way... I can`t even imagine to read this in russian language... It must be even better, because russian language is soooooooo ritch!!!!yes
And I suppouse you do write in russian?! Smile

I'm sure that in Russian version my story is much better because some parts are really hard to translate.
And yes, I write in Russian! yes

(05-07-2011 08:21 AM)_Mai_ Wrote:  @Sonata - I don't like russian language, although I know russian very well Shy So I'm very happy to read this story in english instead Smile
@fontedevina - I hope you're not angry on me about this comment...

I just wonder why you don't like it?



7. I’m on my search for truth,
On my search for you…

Leaving for France, Teddy knew that it wouldn’t be easy there. But he couldn’t even assume what trials were set for him by Heaven…

When he has just arrived, one of the brothers was leaving. He has put down his monk habit and that meant he was going back to his mundane life. This event seemed strange to Teddy who had always thought that the path to God was one way ticket. Why did this brother, whose name remained unknown to Teddy, decide to leave the holy abode after several years spent there in prayers, studies and piety? The young monk could not imagine that it was possible. And he’d better not have known about it…
Being a monk meant giving up many things but Teddy accepted it humbly a long time ago. It was not a high price for the infinitude of wisdom, knowledge and understanding that had to be open for him. Standing in front of a crucifix, from which Jesus was looking straight into his eyes, dressed in the grey habit, that completely hid his figure, he took his main vows. He didn’t even think that one day it might become hard to keep them. At that time he didn’t suppose them as interdictions and didn’t think that he deprived himself of something. But he has overestimated his strength.
And it was not only that he had to depress his natural necessities – he was ready for it. During his last weeks at home Teddy tried to turn his relations with Catarina into pure friendship and excluded any physical contact. At first it was hard because each cell of his body desired her badly but he took this challenge as well. And finally Teddy could think about Catarina almost as she were his sister.

At the monastery it was easier because there were no temptations before his eyes. From the other hand Teddy was a thousand miles away from Catarina but he felt her so close like he had never felt when she was next to him. He kept on thinking of her and it was bad for his studies. He was sure about his choice before but then he began doubting his action again. May be he should not have left that girl. For hours he prayed for her hoping that it would bring relief and she would go away from his heart and thoughts but Catarina settled down there solidly. Teddy felt that love to that girl would go on and on in his heart and it was scary. Now he hasn’t thought about leaving the monastery and coming back to Catarina yet, but everything that was going on made him very disturbed.
He didn’t dare to share these reflections with his brothers-monks in order they wouldn’t suppose him a thoughtless person unworthy to be in the holy abode. Confessions didn’t help either and in spite of absolution the demon named Catarina kept on torturing Teddy’s exhausted brain. In day light he thought about her even during prayers and in the night she came in seducing dreams.
Teddy understood that he would surely make a fatal mistake if it would go on like this. He couldn’t keep everything inside himself any more and decided to confess to father Superior.

He attentively listened to a young man’s confusing story and then he smiled with comprehension and tenderness.
- Child, - he said. – You really thought it would be easy? From the very first look into your eyes I understood that in your mundane life you have left somebody who was dear to you… Now you think you were wrong?
- I don’t have the answer to that question, - answered Teddy stuttering and feeling himself totally lost under the intent gaze his mentor’s strict eyes. – I don’t want to doubt but if I didn’t know that a monk can leave at any time, it would be easier for me….
- Our cloister is not a prison and our rules are not that cruel, - said father Dominic. – I can not say that many our brothers leave those walls to come back to the world but there were some cases. Is it a temptation for you? Thus pray, my son, and let your spirit get solidity… But if you still will choose the other way, no one will judge you.
- Thank you, Father, - Teddy smiled embarrassed.

For some more time he suffered wishing to live in two worlds at the same time until he finally understood that the monastery has become his real home a long ago. He was happy there and he didn’t want to change anything. Then he made a decision that if he would ever leave the abode it would never be because of a woman.

to be continued...

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05-07-2011, 11:30 AM
Post: #74
RE: As the water follows the moon (my story inspired by Patrick Kelly)
That gets interesting!! Loved it! Though the conversation with Father Dominic could have been longer Smile This chapter was great... temptations Big Grin Yeah Big Grin

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fontedivina (05-07-2011)
05-07-2011, 11:41 AM
Post: #75
RE: As the water follows the moon (my story inspired by Patrick Kelly)
(05-07-2011 11:30 AM)_Mai_ Wrote:  Though the conversation with Father Dominic could have been longer Smile This chapter was great... temptations Big Grin Yeah Big Grin

There will be another conversations with this Father and I'll make them longer Smile
Thank you, @Mai! I think you really help me to improve this story yes
But you didn't tell why you don't like Russain language (and I'm so curious!!!!)

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05-07-2011, 02:34 PM
Post: #76
RE: As the water follows the moon (my story inspired by Patrick Kelly)
I really don't know why... I had so many russian friends in my childhood. I never learnt this language anywhere, but I can speak and read in russian... I don't really like this language and I totally hate russian music (sorry), and Russia probably is one of the last countries I'd like to visit. I'm terribly sorry to tell this Sad And I hardlly can find any explanation for this... I got nothing against russian people, in fact, some of them are my good friends Smile But there are other things, such as language, that I don't really like... Nothing personal really.

About your story... I'm glad if any of my comments are useful to you. I also did write some stories and fanfictions. I've been a HUGE fan of "A-teens" and I used to write fanfictions on their website and I know very well how useful and important are the comments and critics Smile And one more thing.. Reading this your story makes me wanna write again! So thank you, you are my new inspiration! Ylinlove

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05-07-2011, 03:53 PM
Post: #77
RE: As the water follows the moon (my story inspired by Patrick Kelly)
(05-07-2011 02:34 PM)_Mai_ Wrote:  I really don't know why... I had so many russian friends in my childhood. I never learnt this language anywhere, but I can speak and read in russian... I don't really like this language and I totally hate russian music (sorry), and Russia probably is one of the last countries I'd like to visit. I'm terribly sorry to tell this Sad And I hardlly can find any explanation for this... I got nothing against russian people, in fact, some of them are my good friends Smile But there are other things, such as language, that I don't really like... Nothing personal really.

As I heard people in your country and also in Estonia or Latvia often don't like Russian people or Russia and it was like this since Soviet period. I don't know why thinker For me it's strange but it's o.k.

BTW, I don't like Russian music either Tongue I even hate it Big Grin

(05-07-2011 02:34 PM)_Mai_ Wrote:  About your story... I'm glad if any of my comments are useful to you. I also did write some stories and fanfictions. I've been a HUGE fan of "A-teens" and I used to write fanfictions on their website and I know very well how useful and important are the comments and critics Smile And one more thing.. Reading this your story makes me wanna write again! So thank you, you are my new inspiration! Ylinlove

I also know that it's not easy to please every reader Big Grin

I'm glad that you wanna write again! May be some day I'll read smth from you Happy

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05-07-2011, 04:05 PM
Post: #78
RE: As the water follows the moon (my story inspired by Patrick Kelly)
My grandma LOVES russian music, people and country. She simply adores it! My parents has nothing against them either... so, I guess the problem is in me Big Grin

I'll post something here, whenever I'll start writing Smile But now.. You keep up the brilliant work with your story - I love it!

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fontedivina (05-07-2011)
05-07-2011, 11:17 PM
Post: #79
RE: As the water follows the moon (my story inspired by Patrick Kelly)
@Mai and Fontedivina
Hi hi... we should open a new thread to discuss the language (and not only russian) theme!
As for me... I am partly russian....
But my point of the previous post was different!
I was not speaking about the sound of language but the richness (???) of it! Russians have sooooo many different words with one meaning .... and eatch word brings different feeling! Smile
About the songs... not fan... but I admit that the lyrics are far more better than some "baby , baby, baby oooohhh" (sorry Justin Bieber)or somthing like that! Big Grin Big Grin
Big Grin
About Estonia and Latvia... hmm...
As i heard that Estonia beats us at that! Big Grin But its true... there are arguing and even hate... But not for all... I do believe that mostly all this hate stuff is made by politicians, and the smartest understand this...

ABOUT THE NEW PART!!!!! Smile
Cant wait to hear further... And you are doing a great job of translation... Smile

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fontedivina (05-08-2011)
05-08-2011, 03:20 PM
Post: #80
RE: As the water follows the moon (my story inspired by Patrick Kelly)
@Sonata, yes, you are totally right about the richness of Russian language! And concerning this I sent you a PM ok



8. There is hope in my soul,
There is hope, there is hope for me now

…Next day Teddy surprised his household by getting up very early in the morning, taking shower, shaving and having his hair brushed. Actually he couldn’t get a wink of sleep at night and he hardly waited for the sunrise to begin his new living. In spite of a sleepless night he was not tired, because this new energy overfilled him with life-giving force. He was inspired and excited. So Teddy changed his dirty pajamas for a clean t-shirt and jeans and for the first time since long ago drove his car.

He headed for the city and for some time was driving in the center without any goal and just enjoying this ride. Then he parked his car and walked in the streets watching people - whom, as it seemed, he has never seen before. All the colors suddenly became very bright, sounds were harmonious and food was tasty again. The sky was so blue that it hurt the eyes, birds chirping sounded like music and even the air tasted sweet.
Breathing deep he felt himself like he had just been born. Again and again he experienced the events of last night hoping that God would talk to him once more but it didn’t happen. Also Teddy didn’t get any prompts concerning his predestination but he wasn’t sad because he has already known where to move.
Then he saw a preacher in the street. There gathered a small crowd around him; some people really listened to him, the others were just killing time. Teddy came closer and heard the scraps of the sermon. He didn’t listen carefully because he noticed something more important – this preacher’s eyes. They looked so clear, bright and…happy? But how could this man who had nothing, look so happy and satisfied with life? And why was Teddy, who had everything, people usually wished for, feeling so unhappy? There was something amazing about it and he understood that he’d spend all the necessary time but he’d figure it out.
The preacher has gone and Teddy noticed a loving couple. The girl was squeezing tightly to the guy and he held her with both hands as if he was trying to protect her from all the evil in the world. This sight hurt the heart a little but suddenly the thoughts of Julia didn’t cause the painful suffering that couldn’t leave him alone for a long time. Feeling strong and sure of himself, Teddy even smiled to the lovers. He liked watching them and somebody else’s happiness didn’t irritate him any more. Obviously there was still a hope for him to learn again how to be happy.
Gabe tried to prove him that a man could not achieve anything in his life without love. Teddy has thought about it much and came to a conclusion that his brother was absolutely right. But love could take different forms. That wasn’t necessary a love for a woman, - having recovered from his painful passion to Julia, Teddy saw it clearly. Love was all around him – in the eyes of a mother watching her child playing, in lovers’ tight embrace, in the light kiss in a cheek that three meeting friends exchanged, in the hand shaking with which two men greeted each other, in an affable word and in the balloon that street salesman gave to a beautiful girl. Teddy looked at all this with his eyes widely open understanding how much time he has spent in the darkness of his own ignorance deprived of this love. But from now he was going to get everything he had missed.


to be continued...

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